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*WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a bold and unprecedented move that has already sent shockwaves through industries across the nation, former President Donald Trump announced a new “Survival of the Fittest” approach to workplace safety, suggesting that natural selection could be a more effective method for improving job site conditions than traditional safety regulations.* Under the proposed initiative,…
**WASHINGTON, D.C.—** In a jaw-dropping display of technological buffoonery, Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officials have reportedly been using Snapchat filters to track suspected undocumented immigrants, mistaking the app’s augmented reality features for advanced surveillance technology. Sources close to the agency confirmed that the gaffe began when ICE agents, seeking to enhance their surveillance capabilities,…
*PARIS—In a groundbreaking move that is set to redefine the landscape of combat sports, the World Boxing Federation (WBF) announced on Monday a series of mandatory genetic tests designed to verify whether athletes genuinely possess the “boxing gene” prior to competing at any sanctioned event. This radical initiative, dubbed “Born to Box,” aims to not…
**NEW YORK CITY, NY—** In what is being described as an unprecedented development in both the world of afterlife studies and celebrity culture, the spectral figure of Jeffrey Epstein has reportedly taken residence in a New York City federal jail, demanding a posthumous Netflix special detailing his “life after death.” Federal Bureau of Paranormal Investigations…
