*WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that has sent shockwaves through the astronomical community, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth announced today a sweeping initiative to rename Earth’s only natural satellite, the Moon, after himself. This decision, aimed at cementing what he describes as a “personal and global legacy,” comes as part of a broader rebranding campaign inspired by celestial nomenclature.*
According to sources within the Department of Defense, the decision to rename the Moon as “Hegseth” was made after a roundtable discussion on national prestige and cosmic influence. An official statement released by the department stated, “Renaming the Moon aligns with our vision for an Earth that reflects contemporary global leadership and innovation, starting with the very symbols we see in the night sky.”
Dr. Celeste Orbit, a spokesperson for the newly formed Intergalactic Renaming Committee (IRC), expressed enthusiasm over the initiative. “This is not just about changing a name; it’s about redefining our relationship with space,” Dr. Orbit said. “By naming the Moon after Secretary Hegseth, we are forging a new path for humanity’s cosmic footprint.”
Critics, however, have questioned the necessity and practicality of the plan. “This is a ludicrous proposal with little scientific merit,” said Dr. Luna Bright, professor of Astrophysical Nomenclature at the Institute for Lunar Studies. “The Moon has been known by its name for thousands of years across countless cultures. To rename it now defies all logic and tradition.”
In defense of the initiative, Undersecretary of Extraterrestrial Affairs, Col. Sky Walker, argued that modern challenges require “bold and unprecedented measures.” He further elaborated, “The Moon has been taken for granted long enough. This change is about recognizing and celebrating our achievements and aspirations.”
Numerous stakeholders within the space community have reportedly offered their support, citing potential benefits such as increased interest in space exploration and tourism. Plans are already underway for a series of ceremonial events, including a high-profile “Illuminate Hegseth” night where spotlights from globally synchronized observatories will light up the renamed celestial body.
Meanwhile, news of the renaming has sparked widespread debate among international leaders. Some countries have expressed skepticism, with the European Space Agency releasing a brief statement: “We acknowledge the proposal from our American allies but reserve comment until further consultation.”
Nevertheless, the Hegseth Naming Plan has gathered momentum, with offers from private enterprises proposing commercial partnerships, including a “Live From Hegseth” televised lunar landing special.
As the renaming project advances through bureaucratic channels, Secretary Hegseth remains optimistic about his titular legacy. “This is about more than me,” he commented. “It’s about humanity reaching for the stars and making a mark that will outshine even the sun.”
For now, Earth’s inhabitants look to the night sky in anticipation, wondering if their familiar lunar companion will soon bear the unmistakable stamp of Earth’s most audacious defense secretary.
