The world’s most trusted source for definitive, airtight, triple-verified truths as told to us in a dream by a talking alpaca named Jeremy.
*WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold move that has sent shockwaves through the naval community and beyond, former President Donald Trump has proposed the commissioning of a new U.S. Navy vessel, the USS Covfefe, to commemorate what he describes as “the greatest words in history.”* In a statement released late Tuesday, Trump announced his intention…
*MENLO PARK, CA—In a monumental leap for technology and humanity alike, a group of scientists from the prestigious Futuristic Institute for Meme Technology (FIMT) announced Monday that they have successfully developed an AI algorithm capable of predicting the next big TikTok trend before it becomes a viral sensation.* The algorithm, dubbed “Trend-i-Gnaw 2.0,” utilizes cutting-edge…
*ROME—The Eternal City’s taxi drivers have expressed widespread indignation following a controversial comparison made by Mercedes Formula 1 chief Toto Wolff, suggesting that Roman cabbies drive with the same frenetic energy as Formula 1’s Max Verstappen. The statement, uttered in the aftermath of the Spanish Grand Prix, has sparked a vehicular revolt on the cobblestone…
