*Starbase, Texas — In a shocking move that is sending ripples through the small community, Starbase, Texas, has proposed a revolutionary housing initiative requiring residents to vacate their traditional homes and relocate to decommissioned rocket ships parked around the town. This ambitious plan introduced by the city council aims to create a “thriving space community” and comes as part of an effort to embrace the SpaceX ethos of innovation at all costs.*
According to a memo obtained by The Onion, the city’s plan, dubbed “SpaceDwell: Living Among the Stars,” would transform homes into modular rocket pods which are said to be “extremely aerodynamic and just sort of fun.” City Administrator Kent Myers, who took office just last month, declared in a press conference, “Why live in a conventional house when you could wake up in the cockpit of a Falcon 9? It’s exhilarating! Plus, they’re easily portable—perfect for our ‘moving’ community.”
The plan has sparked immediate enthusiasm, mixed with terror, among the residents who are unsure how to attach their utility services to a rocket. Starbase resident and local BBQ enthusiast, Jerry “Jetpack” Thompson, expressed his ambivalence. “I love rockets. I mean, who doesn’t? But my wife’s never going to forgive me for trying to fit her kitchen into a payload bay. We might have to live off freeze-dried meals for the rest of our lives!”
As part of the project, the city has partnered with SpaceX to offer training sessions for residents on how to live in their new rocket homes. The sessions, entitled “Rocket Living: The Highs and Lows of Gravity-Free Grilling,” promise to offer practical advice on everything from installing a bathroom in a thruster module to what to do when you inevitably float into your neighbor’s cargo bay.
Critics of the initiative argue that the plan ignores basic residential needs. Local environmentalist and Full-Time Worrywart, Brenda Wiseman, raised concerns about the environmental impact of scattering rocket ships throughout Starbase. “Just think of all the fuel leaks! What kind of precedent are we setting? Next thing you know, they’ll want us to park space shuttles in our backyards.”
In an unexpected turn of events, city officials announced that the town’s upcoming public hearing regarding the initiative has been delayed indefinitely due to “unforeseen rocket launch delays” affecting the council’s ability to retrieve enough abandoned spacecraft to meet housing requirements.
In response to these concerns, Myers assured residents that the first phase of the project would include a “Space-Up” program, allowing families to fulfill their dreams of space living without a hefty mortgage. “Most rockets are still structurally sound. I mean, they’ve only been to space and back—what’s that, just a few ‘minor’ malfunctions?” he quipped.
As Starbase grapples with its future among the stars, community members remain hopeful, despite initial trepidation, that they can adapt to life in rocket ships. After all, it was only recently that they learned how to live in the wake of a billionaire’s dreams.
*The Starbase City Council is set to hold another public hearing on the housing initiative—assuming they can secure a rocket with enough room for all the residents to attend.*
