**WASHINGTON, D.C.—** In a jaw-dropping display of technological buffoonery, Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officials have reportedly been using Snapchat filters to track suspected undocumented immigrants, mistaking the app’s augmented reality features for advanced surveillance technology.
Sources close to the agency confirmed that the gaffe began when ICE agents, seeking to enhance their surveillance capabilities, stumbled upon the “Dog Detective” filter, believing it to be a state-of-the-art tracking tool. The filter, which humorously transforms faces into dog-like features, was initially thought to be scanning for “canine-assisted border identification.”
“We really thought we were onto something revolutionary,” admitted ICE technology officer Joe Snooperson. “When we saw an immigrant’s face turn into a dog on Snapchat, we assumed it was highlighting undocumented status or revealing hidden identities.”
Despite the absurdity, agents remained convinced of the filter’s efficacy, compiling reports filled with pictures of suspected immigrants sporting digital puppy ears and wagging tongues. The reports, sent to higher-ups, were lauded for their “artistic creativity” and “cutting-edge innovation in surveillance.”
According to internal memos accidentally leaked during a routine Snapchat story update, ICE had managed to “track” nearly 3,000 individuals in one weekend, all identified through the app’s playful face-distorting lens. The agency even attempted to deploy the “Rainbow Vomit” filter as a secondary identification system, presuming the rainbow stream indicated varying levels of threat based on color intensity.
“We realized something was up when a few of those tracked were our own agents,” confessed deputy director Lisa Lensflare, who accidentally found herself transformed into a panda while attempting to check the morning briefing. “That’s when we started to suspect a flaw in the system.”
Despite initial embarrassment, ICE remains bullish on integrating social media filters into their everyday operations. “This is groundbreaking for the future of immigration enforcement,” Lensflare argued. “Imagine the possibilities when TikTok dance challenges can be used to determine citizenship status.”
Privacy advocates, however, decry the use of such frivolous methods, arguing that leveraging whimsical apps for serious enforcement tasks crosses a line. “It’s a clear breach of privacy and dignity,” said Emma Snapshield, director of Tech Ethics Collective. “Especially when officials are trying to match people to emojis.”
In a bizarre twist, ICE discovered a Snapchat glitch late last week that allows agents to add “deportation mustaches” to anyone flagged by their system. This development has prompted the agency to consider partnering with social media influencers to bolster their identification efforts.
“We’re truly in the Wild West of surveillance,” said Buck Doggy, head of the newly formed ICE Social Media Division. “And while we may lose a few filters along the way, we’re determined to keep snapping at the heels of justice.”
As ICE continues to filter through this technological mishap, the agency has vowed to retrain all personnel on the differences between augmented reality and actual reality, ensuring no future blunders occur—at least until the next app update.
