*BATON ROUGE, LA—In a bold and pioneering move, Louisiana state lawmakers have introduced a bill aimed at outlawing rainbows, describing them as an “unnatural display of colors in the sky” that could potentially disrupt the state’s atmospheric aesthetics.*
The proposed legislation, spearheaded by Senator Dusty Blathers (R-Bogalusa), seeks to eliminate any occurrences of this “startling phenomenon” above Louisiana skies by prohibiting the specific alignment of atmospheric conditions that lead to their appearance. The bill, now making waves in the state legislature, has been humorously dubbed “The Anti-Prismatic Act of 2023.”
Blathers defended the initiative on the Senate floor, expressing grave concerns about the impact of rainbows on state weather patterns. “Rainbows represent a flagrant violation of natural order,” Blathers declared. “We must ensure that our skies are not subjected to this unpredictable bombardment of color, which could have unknown effects on the precipitation cycle and, quite possibly, human moods.”
To fortify their stance, lawmakers have rallied support from self-professed atmospheric expert and local weathervane repairman, Clifford “Cloudy” Jensen. “They say there’s always a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow,” Jensen exclaimed at a press conference. “Well, I haven’t seen a single gold coin, and I’ve been chasing them my whole life. What we need is legislation that protects the integrity of our clouds, not this colorful anarchy.”
Critics of the bill have expressed disbelief at the focus on an otherwise benign natural occurrence, with some wondering about the enforcement mechanism for such a law. In response, supporters have proposed a Rainbow Alert System, designed to detect and neutralize potential rainbow-forming conditions using innovative “de-hue” technology currently in development at the newly established Bureau of Meteorological Compliance.
The bill’s introduction has also sparked unexpected cultural impacts. The Louisiana Tourism Office has launched a campaign under the slogan “Keep Louisiana Hued,” encouraging residents to appreciate the natural beauty of their skies. Meanwhile, artists and photographers across the state have begun organizing “Rainbow Appreciation” events, celebrating what they call “nature’s own color wheel.”
In an unforeseen twist, a coalition of environmentalists has pushed back, stating that the bill fails to recognize rainbows as essential for biodiversity, noting their role in guiding migration patterns of rare unispectral butterflies. “This bill is not only unnecessary, it’s ecological sabotage,” warned Dr. Marigold Spectrum, a spokesperson for the Butterfly Advocacy Network.
As the bill continues its journey through the legislative process, many await the outcome with bated breath, some amused, others puzzled, and still others feeling mildly irritated every time a sunshower dares to paint the sky.
*At press time, lawmakers were reportedly considering amendments to the bill, potentially adding a provision to ban the aurora borealis should it ever dare make an appearance over Louisiana.*
