*Los Angeles, CA* — In a shocking turn of events that has left both local authorities and extraterrestrial enthusiasts scratching their heads, a delegation of intergalactic visitors reportedly canceled their planned landing in Los Angeles this Friday, citing “excessive bureaucracy” and “an overall lack of hospitable vibes.” According to sources from the Galactic Federation, the aliens were left with no choice but to reroute their spacecraft to Mars, where they were informed by Martian representatives that “dirt is cheaper, and the sunsets are killer.”
The planned visit, which would have marked the first time extraterrestrials disembarked in a major U.S. city, was highly anticipated by Los Angeles residents and city officials alike. Mayor Larry Flux expressed his disappointment in a press conference, stating, “We were ready to roll out the red carpet, complete with organic avocados and artisanal tacos that would have truly showcased our finest culinary offerings. What more could they want?”
However, as the day approached, reports began to surface that interstellar navigators from Planet X found the local immigration practices to be “incredibly discouraging.” Zork, head of the Bureau of Intergalactic Relations, lamented, “When we learned that even the extraterrestrial high council would need to file a two-year waiting period for permanent residency status, our enthusiasm was quickly dampened.”
Despite the overwhelming support for the alien visit among the residents — who had prepared thematic outfits and an extensive playlist of classic Earth tunes — the aliens were particularly dismayed by the bureaucratic entanglements involving Earthling forms. “Filling out Forms X-49 and Y-86 to ‘join in the cosmic community’ felt overly cumbersome,” Zork explained, adding, “I once submitted my application to join a galactic waltz on Jupiter with less hassle.”
The event also took an unexpected twist when local animal rights activists staged a protest, claiming alien encounters threatened the local pigeon population. Protest leader, Celia Featherbottom, stated, “We can’t have them abducting our fine feathered friends for intergalactic experimentation!” Local pigeons, however, seemed largely indifferent to the potential visit and spent the day pecking at discarded burritos.
As the aliens settled into their new Martian accommodations, the regime of red soil was met with rave reviews. “Finally! A place where we can really stretch our phalanges without fear of detention!” exclaimed alien tourist Blorp, who was reportedly disappointed by the lack of adventure parks in Los Angeles.
As news of the alien snub spread, conspiracy theorists flocked to online forums debating whether or not the purported aliens were “simply afraid of Hollywood’s glitz” or if they had been tipped off by those in lower gravity zones about the complexities of Earthly life. Local entrepreneur and UFO influencer, Boomer Skywalker, announced plans to launch an “Intergalactic Welcome Center” in Los Angeles, to prepare for the next wave of visitors. “Next time, we’ll have a dedicated team to handle the paperwork and a complimentary aromatherapy session,” he promised.
Meanwhile, in a bizarre turn of events, the Los Angeles city council has proposed an amendment to their alien visitation policy, allowing for “a free taco voucher for every applicant.” As the council awaits a response from the Galactic Federation, the city maintains hope for future interstellar relations, though some residents are wondering if it’s time to start dusting off their spacecrafts for a trip to Mars.
