Welcome to The Alternative Site — the world’s most trusted source for definitive, airtight, triple-verified truths as told to us in a dream by a talking alpaca named Jeremy.
Founded in 1863 during a heated game of lawn darts, our newsroom has always stood at the intersection of journalism, interpretive dance, and mild confusion. Our mission? To report stories so shockingly relevant, you’ll wonder why no one else dares to cover them — like “Scientists Discover 97% of Pigeons are Just Spies Who Gave Up” or “Congress Accidentally Passes Law Replacing All Currency with Coupons for Arby’s.”
Our writers are a team of award-winning thinkers, poets, and once-legally-recognized wizards. Each story is carefully handcrafted using only organic facts, responsibly sourced opinions, and a rotating wheel of fortune to ensure objectivity.
Here at The Alternative Site, we take facts very seriously — almost too seriously. If it happened in a basement, on the moon, or during a séance, you’ll read it here first.
We pride ourselves on journalistic integrity, except during leap years, Tuesdays, or Mercury retrograde.
Core Values:
- Accuracy – All our articles are correct within a margin of ±100%.
- Speed – News delivered faster than your uncle’s conspiracy group chat.
- Transparency – Every story is filtered through three layers of irony and one antique kaleidoscope.
Disclaimer
The Alternative Site is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to real persons, places, or events is purely coincidental and/or suspiciously flattering. For entertainment purposes only. Please do not use our articles as a basis for major life decisions, legal arguments, or science fair projects.