The world’s most trusted source for definitive, airtight, triple-verified truths as told to us in a dream by a talking alpaca named Jeremy.
*PARIS—In what is being described by international relationship experts as an “aerodynamic faux pas,” French President Emmanuel Macron is reportedly reconsidering an upcoming couples’ retreat with former U.S. President Donald Trump following an incident involving an open airplane door and an impromptu face shove from his wife, Brigitte Macron.* The incident, which took place on…
**WASHINGTON, D.C.—** In a groundbreaking study that is sure to send shockwaves through the economic and culinary communities alike, researchers at the Bureau of Unlikely Statistics (BUS) announced Thursday that fluctuations in the national inflation rate have a direct correlation to the popularity of avocado toast. The study, conducted over a rigorous span of three…
*Blaine, WA — In an unprecedented move in the world of labor relations, an estimated 250 million bees have banded together to form the first-ever Insect Workers Union (IWU) following a dramatic incident where their truck overturned on a highway near the Canadian border.* The chaotic event, which saw the buzzing multitude liberated from their…
*Starbase, Texas — In a shocking move that is sending ripples through the small community, Starbase, Texas, has proposed a revolutionary housing initiative requiring residents to vacate their traditional homes and relocate to decommissioned rocket ships parked around the town. This ambitious plan introduced by the city council aims to create a “thriving space community”…
