The world’s most trusted source for definitive, airtight, triple-verified truths as told to us in a dream by a talking alpaca named Jeremy.
PHOENIX, AZ—In a startling new development in the ever-evolving landscape of adolescent curiosity and its accompanying risks, the nation’s teens have reportedly moved on from last year’s Tide Pod challenge to a more “sophisticated” high: snorting Dust-Off, a computer dusting spray. Emerging as the latest craze on platforms like TikTok, the trend, affectionately dubbed “Dusting,”…
*October 15, 2023 | WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprising turn of events, former President Donald Trump has reportedly entertained the notion of pardoning Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs, spurred by an outrageous proposal for a new reality television series titled “Pardon Me, Diddy!”* According to sources within the Trump camp, the idea was pitched during a…
*PARIS—In what is being described by international relationship experts as an “aerodynamic faux pas,” French President Emmanuel Macron is reportedly reconsidering an upcoming couples’ retreat with former U.S. President Donald Trump following an incident involving an open airplane door and an impromptu face shove from his wife, Brigitte Macron.* The incident, which took place on…
**WASHINGTON, D.C.—** In a groundbreaking study that is sure to send shockwaves through the economic and culinary communities alike, researchers at the Bureau of Unlikely Statistics (BUS) announced Thursday that fluctuations in the national inflation rate have a direct correlation to the popularity of avocado toast. The study, conducted over a rigorous span of three…
