*WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that has left city officials and citizens alike in a state of disbelief, billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk announced Wednesday that he plans to replace the iconic Washington Monument with a towering statue of his electric vehicle, the Cybertruck. The ambitious proposal, touted as a “monument to modern innovation,” has drawn both fervent supporters and outraged detractors from across the nation.*
Musk made the announcement during a live-streamed press conference from a rooftop in downtown D.C., stating, “The Cybertruck represents the future of transportation and humanity’s collective journey towards a more electrified tomorrow. It only makes sense that we replace a tribute to a dead president with a tribute to being able to drive to the grocery store without leaving your couch.”
The engineering plan for the statue involves a 200-foot tall, stainless steel structure featuring asymmetrical angles and a matte finish that Musk claimed would “reflect the light of a thousand sunsets—just like the heart of sustainability.” In a surprising twist, the statue is also equipped with a 360-degree LED display that will broadcast live updates on Tesla’s stock price, making it “the ultimate tourist attraction and financial hub wrapped in one.”
Residents of Washington D.C. are divided on the proposal. Local historian Marla Underwood expressed her concerns: “While I appreciate innovation, the Washington Monument is a landmark representing our nation’s history. A giant, angular car simply doesn’t convey the same gravitas. What’s next? A statue of a SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket in place of the Lincoln Memorial?”
In contrast, fans of the project have already begun rallying support under the hashtag #CyberMonument. “This is where we should be heading as a society,” said avid Tesla enthusiast and self-proclaimed futurist Blake Dawson. “If we aren’t putting electric vehicles where important historical symbols used to be, then what are we even doing?”
Despite the uproar, Musk has reportedly secured the backing of several influential figures, including Secretary of Aesthetic Improvements, Todd “Giga” Carlo, who stated, “The Cybertruck embodies the essence of American entrepreneurship. History is great, but progress is better.”
Adding yet another layer to the absurdity, Musk announced plans for a “Cyber-Registry” in which citizens can sign up to volunteer their Cybertrucks to serve as construction equipment for the statue’s installation. “Think of it as a community-powered project,” said Musk. “And the first 10 volunteers will receive a complimentary SpaceX trip to the moon, assuming they make it past the insurance requirements.”
While the city council prepares to debate the proposal, a petition titled “Keep Our Monuments Monumental” has gained traction, garnering over 30 signatures from local dog walkers and a recent retiree from the Department of Labor.
As the debate intensifies, one thing is certain: with Musk at the helm, the future of D.C. landmarks is as unpredictable as the next Tesla update.
