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*October 31, 2023* *Washington, D.C. — In an unprecedented move to thwart what officials are calling “one of the biggest threats to national security since sliced bread,” U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) has announced a new initiative to collect DNA samples from migrant babies clad in “suspicious onesies.” In a press conference held Monday,…
**Beijing, China** — In a stunning geopolitical twist, Chinese officials have publicly accused the United States of “brazenly appropriating” the coveted title of “World’s Imminent Threat,” a designation China claims has been rightfully theirs for decades. The declaration came just days after U.S. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth called China an “imminent threat” during a high-profile…
*Belém, Brazil — In an unprecedented move that has experts scratching their heads, officials overseeing the upcoming COP30 Climate Summit have announced a plan to gently relocate the Amazon rainforest to make way for a commemorative golf course designed to honor the event. The initiative aims to provide a sustainable venue for world leaders to…
